Peter Welch is creating Essays
29

patrons

Signing up for anything to promote my blog is a nightmare, because of the "What is you stuff about?" question. Strictly speaking, it's about me. Or whatever I'm thinking about. Or it's a play with a bunch of jokes only 30-year-old liberal arts majors get. Or a staggeringly boring joke about Vogon programming that only lifelong developers would get if they had the patience to read it. (I'm sorry about that one. I can't even get through the whole thing, and I adore reading my own work as long as it's less than a year old. I was particularly drunk that night.)

And yet, for all the random things I write about, as I try to figure out how to be human before I die, a few people dig it. And I would be remiss not to give them new and improved means to transfer their money to me. Really. It's a service.

Also, I promise never to hit the Make Them Pay button more than four times a month. So if I write nothing, you obviously pay nothing, and if I write 200 pieces a week, the most you would pay is $4.00. And let's be honest: one a month would be more consistent than usual.

So, what every patron gets, assuming I understand this interface: non-credit-card-charging updates with some of the writing that never gets published for good reasons, and excerpts from upcoming books. You also get to follow my slow ascension to mediocre cartoonist as my girlfriend teaches me to use Illustrator. This will happen.
Tiers
Pledge $1 or more per Essay
So the little dude that has exactly nothing to do with the video lives in an Illustrator file on my computer. He shows up now and then when I want to show something and am nervous about copyright violations. He's mostly blank slate for expressions I learn to draw by studying Calvin and Hobbes comics. I will draw him doing or saying whatever you want and send it to you. Bear in mind my obviously limited talent as an artist, and please don't ask me to draw him doing something that will keep me up at night. I will also, unless you'd prefer otherwise, include your name in a patron list that will go up somewhere on my site in the near future.
Pledge $2 or more per Essay
Same as $1, plus I will write one thing I have never written before and never will again on the back of a piece of origami paper, sign it, fold it into a crane, and send it to you.
Pledge $5 or more per Essay
Same as the $1, but you get a signed copy of Observations of a Straight White Male with No Interesting Fetishes. Economically this should work out for me; time + shipping + printing probably hits about $15, and odds are you'll pay for at least three essays before you remember to cancel. Also, and here is where I may be shooting myself in the foot, you get a signed copy of every book I publish from this moment forward.
Pledge $5.01 or more per Essay
Same as above, except the first book is a signed copy of And Then I Thought I Was a Fish. The extra cent is to keep these in the right order so "same as above" makes sense. Also, this book is about six pages longer than Observations, which ends of being a few cents more when I order bulk from the printer.
Goals
4% complete
That's it. At $3000 per essay, I stop going to my day job and just write for a living, while maintaining my current lifestyle in Brooklyn. Honestly, if it got to $1000, I'd consider moving somewhere cheaper. $2000 pre-tax would probably be enough, what with not having to commute or buy lunches, but I have to account for the winter depression when I don't get much work out. Also, health insurance.
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Signing up for anything to promote my blog is a nightmare, because of the "What is you stuff about?" question. Strictly speaking, it's about me. Or whatever I'm thinking about. Or it's a play with a bunch of jokes only 30-year-old liberal arts majors get. Or a staggeringly boring joke about Vogon programming that only lifelong developers would get if they had the patience to read it. (I'm sorry about that one. I can't even get through the whole thing, and I adore reading my own work as long as it's less than a year old. I was particularly drunk that night.)

And yet, for all the random things I write about, as I try to figure out how to be human before I die, a few people dig it. And I would be remiss not to give them new and improved means to transfer their money to me. Really. It's a service.

Also, I promise never to hit the Make Them Pay button more than four times a month. So if I write nothing, you obviously pay nothing, and if I write 200 pieces a week, the most you would pay is $4.00. And let's be honest: one a month would be more consistent than usual.

So, what every patron gets, assuming I understand this interface: non-credit-card-charging updates with some of the writing that never gets published for good reasons, and excerpts from upcoming books. You also get to follow my slow ascension to mediocre cartoonist as my girlfriend teaches me to use Illustrator. This will happen.

Recent posts by Peter Welch

Tiers
Pledge $1 or more per Essay
So the little dude that has exactly nothing to do with the video lives in an Illustrator file on my computer. He shows up now and then when I want to show something and am nervous about copyright violations. He's mostly blank slate for expressions I learn to draw by studying Calvin and Hobbes comics. I will draw him doing or saying whatever you want and send it to you. Bear in mind my obviously limited talent as an artist, and please don't ask me to draw him doing something that will keep me up at night. I will also, unless you'd prefer otherwise, include your name in a patron list that will go up somewhere on my site in the near future.
Pledge $2 or more per Essay
Same as $1, plus I will write one thing I have never written before and never will again on the back of a piece of origami paper, sign it, fold it into a crane, and send it to you.
Pledge $5 or more per Essay
Same as the $1, but you get a signed copy of Observations of a Straight White Male with No Interesting Fetishes. Economically this should work out for me; time + shipping + printing probably hits about $15, and odds are you'll pay for at least three essays before you remember to cancel. Also, and here is where I may be shooting myself in the foot, you get a signed copy of every book I publish from this moment forward.
Pledge $5.01 or more per Essay
Same as above, except the first book is a signed copy of And Then I Thought I Was a Fish. The extra cent is to keep these in the right order so "same as above" makes sense. Also, this book is about six pages longer than Observations, which ends of being a few cents more when I order bulk from the printer.