BrianshipPotemkin is creating Dogmatic Rigmarole
0

patrons

$0
per Emaciated Promise of Wonderment
I've written poetry, prose and music (just like every-fucking-one else you know), for a decade; I created the webcomic "From My Vantage Point Here," which you've never heard of, and produce numerous shows for the semi-burgeoning Tower of Babel podcast network.

I can also cook a damn good bowl of ramen featuring your favorite meat or vegetable and am currently learning how to manipulate a cast iron skillet for the betterment of my own culinary skills, because no one at all wants to fuck someone who can't goddamn cook.

I create the content I want to create, for better or worse in your drastically humble opinion, and I will continue to afford creating it, regardless of the attention paid here; emotionally or financially.

Donate at your own risk. Remember! 3% of your highly (under)valued patronage goes to a warm and loving philanthropic credit card company and another 5% to politically correct, Bay Area hipsters! 

Step wisely; step on The Bard Pedal today. Or don't; it's probably better for your conscience.

TheBardPedal full disclosure: those towards which I've chosen to donate a rather paltry sum on Patreon.com (as to spend some of my similarly paltry disposable income for some aesthetic pursuit of "giving back") represent the type of individual that helps me understand the reasons for me doing my own work simply for the sake of getting it done... and why I continue to do so.
Thanks to you all. You show that Patreon is a reasonable outlet, despite this attempt to virulently insult it.

Though I don't understand why one wouldn't just link to some other, rather non-flamboyant donation page that fleeces its clients far less; do people only care about a thing when they can see other people also caring about that same thing? Oh positive feedback loop, you old devil.

Regardless, I get my will to live from acknowledging the beauty in others, as I allow it to inspire me; not from wealth, nor anonymous "lemming" patronage.

Die young, and stay (philosophically) pretty.
Tiers
Pledge $1 or more per Emaciated Promise of Wonderment
0 of 20000 patrons
The moral high ground is now yours: feel delighted in your own masturbatory definition of altruism.
Pledge $2 or more per Emaciated Promise of Wonderment
0 of 15000 patrons
I will add your personal Patreon or Youtube avatar to my Windows 7 desktop background slideshow.
Pledge $3 or more per Emaciated Promise of Wonderment
0 of 12000 patrons
I will pour out one fo'ty oz. of all $3 patrons' individual favorite malt liquor upon the completion of every one my Patreon creations, then, within three business days, mail out the bottle caps to the respective parties for use in a collage and/or shrine assumed to have been constructed in my honor.
Pledge $4 or more per Emaciated Promise of Wonderment
0 of 1 patrons
Your name, my most highly valued patron, will be personally used, by me, as a phonetically offensive curse/slur (on the level of "fuck" and "dink," respectively) for the rest of my (very) mortal life.

Disclaimer: "Offensiveness" void where prohibited; say, in 2025, "fuck" eventually becomes just as innocuous as "heck" within the sphere of network television and/or kindergarten classes. However, I will attempt to adapt and retain your name's insulting nature, as per TheBardPedal Guarantee, by continuing it's use as a reference to the impoverished and disenfranchised, which will no doubt still be readily supported by general outrage and pity.
Pledge $5 or more per Emaciated Promise of Wonderment
0 of 4294967295 patrons
I was harassed by Patreon just before typing this and I consider it a hate crime. Patreon's search engine refuses to acknowledge that my page even exists. Typing in my own name page name brings in results of "Bob Chipman" and "Brianna Wu" above the eventual, cuckolded result of "nothing found." I find this aesthetically offensive and I am inconsolable.

However, through this I realized how much of a staving artist Jack Conte, Patreon founder is; HE, in his self-sacrificial quest, is only able to afford the most abysmal IT support and web design for his glorious, completely selfless venture that we, without consideration for those who've suffered in the past for our rights as free peoples, arrogantly deign ourselves to address as "patreon.com." He is a genius and he needs our help.

All donations to The Bard Pedal at the $5 level will go 100% towards helping this, the most starving of starving artists, Jack Conte, afford decent search engine licensing. Forgo your donations to Jimbo Wales during wiki pledge season I implore you; Jack actually needs the stuff so, you, being someone with far more money than him, do please donate to any Patreon account you can find in a google search immediately.

Sadly, he only gets 5% of what you donate to those other bullshit Patreon artists, so if you really want him to live the pampered West Coast lifestyle he surely deserves, donate a strict $5 to me per my whatevers it says up there; one-hundred percent of it will be deposited for executive use by Jack "I'm an aahtist, I'm on tour... so where's my free hotel room?" Conte.

And the 21st century will finally come alive. Ahhh, my fuckin' hero.
Pledge $6 or more per Emaciated Promise of Wonderment
0 of 25 patrons
Nothing. You don't get a thing. Your money goes into the piggy bank (as per the $6 goal, see left sidebar) and I feel morally complacent while spending all of it on a new mouse (decision on getting the organic or the tech version pending). I will "hope" that you "feel" "pretty good" about this "reward."
Goals
$0 of $1 per Emaciated Promise of Wonderment
I will give even less of a damn (possibly encroaching upon one whole shit) about what you choose to pay for and will continue working, without heed to your embarrassing lack of contribution.
1 of 6
I've written poetry, prose and music (just like every-fucking-one else you know), for a decade; I created the webcomic "From My Vantage Point Here," which you've never heard of, and produce numerous shows for the semi-burgeoning Tower of Babel podcast network.

I can also cook a damn good bowl of ramen featuring your favorite meat or vegetable and am currently learning how to manipulate a cast iron skillet for the betterment of my own culinary skills, because no one at all wants to fuck someone who can't goddamn cook.

I create the content I want to create, for better or worse in your drastically humble opinion, and I will continue to afford creating it, regardless of the attention paid here; emotionally or financially.

Donate at your own risk. Remember! 3% of your highly (under)valued patronage goes to a warm and loving philanthropic credit card company and another 5% to politically correct, Bay Area hipsters! 

Step wisely; step on The Bard Pedal today. Or don't; it's probably better for your conscience.

TheBardPedal full disclosure: those towards which I've chosen to donate a rather paltry sum on Patreon.com (as to spend some of my similarly paltry disposable income for some aesthetic pursuit of "giving back") represent the type of individual that helps me understand the reasons for me doing my own work simply for the sake of getting it done... and why I continue to do so.
Thanks to you all. You show that Patreon is a reasonable outlet, despite this attempt to virulently insult it.

Though I don't understand why one wouldn't just link to some other, rather non-flamboyant donation page that fleeces its clients far less; do people only care about a thing when they can see other people also caring about that same thing? Oh positive feedback loop, you old devil.

Regardless, I get my will to live from acknowledging the beauty in others, as I allow it to inspire me; not from wealth, nor anonymous "lemming" patronage.

Die young, and stay (philosophically) pretty.

Recent posts by BrianshipPotemkin

Tiers
Pledge $1 or more per Emaciated Promise of Wonderment
0 of 20000 patrons
The moral high ground is now yours: feel delighted in your own masturbatory definition of altruism.
Pledge $2 or more per Emaciated Promise of Wonderment
0 of 15000 patrons
I will add your personal Patreon or Youtube avatar to my Windows 7 desktop background slideshow.
Pledge $3 or more per Emaciated Promise of Wonderment
0 of 12000 patrons
I will pour out one fo'ty oz. of all $3 patrons' individual favorite malt liquor upon the completion of every one my Patreon creations, then, within three business days, mail out the bottle caps to the respective parties for use in a collage and/or shrine assumed to have been constructed in my honor.
Pledge $4 or more per Emaciated Promise of Wonderment
0 of 1 patrons
Your name, my most highly valued patron, will be personally used, by me, as a phonetically offensive curse/slur (on the level of "fuck" and "dink," respectively) for the rest of my (very) mortal life.

Disclaimer: "Offensiveness" void where prohibited; say, in 2025, "fuck" eventually becomes just as innocuous as "heck" within the sphere of network television and/or kindergarten classes. However, I will attempt to adapt and retain your name's insulting nature, as per TheBardPedal Guarantee, by continuing it's use as a reference to the impoverished and disenfranchised, which will no doubt still be readily supported by general outrage and pity.
Pledge $5 or more per Emaciated Promise of Wonderment
0 of 4294967295 patrons
I was harassed by Patreon just before typing this and I consider it a hate crime. Patreon's search engine refuses to acknowledge that my page even exists. Typing in my own name page name brings in results of "Bob Chipman" and "Brianna Wu" above the eventual, cuckolded result of "nothing found." I find this aesthetically offensive and I am inconsolable.

However, through this I realized how much of a staving artist Jack Conte, Patreon founder is; HE, in his self-sacrificial quest, is only able to afford the most abysmal IT support and web design for his glorious, completely selfless venture that we, without consideration for those who've suffered in the past for our rights as free peoples, arrogantly deign ourselves to address as "patreon.com." He is a genius and he needs our help.

All donations to The Bard Pedal at the $5 level will go 100% towards helping this, the most starving of starving artists, Jack Conte, afford decent search engine licensing. Forgo your donations to Jimbo Wales during wiki pledge season I implore you; Jack actually needs the stuff so, you, being someone with far more money than him, do please donate to any Patreon account you can find in a google search immediately.

Sadly, he only gets 5% of what you donate to those other bullshit Patreon artists, so if you really want him to live the pampered West Coast lifestyle he surely deserves, donate a strict $5 to me per my whatevers it says up there; one-hundred percent of it will be deposited for executive use by Jack "I'm an aahtist, I'm on tour... so where's my free hotel room?" Conte.

And the 21st century will finally come alive. Ahhh, my fuckin' hero.
Pledge $6 or more per Emaciated Promise of Wonderment
0 of 25 patrons
Nothing. You don't get a thing. Your money goes into the piggy bank (as per the $6 goal, see left sidebar) and I feel morally complacent while spending all of it on a new mouse (decision on getting the organic or the tech version pending). I will "hope" that you "feel" "pretty good" about this "reward."