I'm doing a few cover songs for the album Kid Safe, and this is one of 'em. Written by John Mescall and Ollie McGill as part of a PSA program for Metro Trains in Melbourne, Australia, the song went viral. I just think it's a fun song, and I'm working on the SF/fantasy version.

For more information about the song and the original campaign, see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dumb_Ways_to_Die .

Music: "I Wanna Be (500 Miles)" by Craig and Charlie Reid

It was a cute idea: Dr. Seuss's "The 500 Hats Of Bartholomew Cubbins" to the tune of The Proclaimers' big hit. (They deserve many more, by the way. Their stuff is all quirky and fun.) But I quickly realized there was no good way to stretch it out for the whole song, and so I started jamming in as many Seuss titles as I could. Still, the song didn't get sewn together until I was transcribing it into the computer, and the last two lines came to me as I was typing the two lines before them, and suddenly it had a plot.

That was back in Nineteen Ninety Cough. Anne Schneider and Karen Underwood sang it with me on Debasement Tapes. Even then, though, I wanted the studio version. And now I have it. Go me!

When I wake up, well, I know I'm gonna be,

I'm gonna be as poor as when I went to bed.

When I go out, well, I know I'm gonna have,

I'm gonna have this feathered cap upon my head.

Go to market, well, the streets are crowded now,

But they're moving back in deference to the King.

When I see him, well, I show respect and bow,

And take off my hat -- hey! What's wrong with this thing?

I might wear five hundred hats,

And I might wear five hundred more,

But it's insulting to the King,

Oh, God, I see him coming o'er.

Down in Whoville, all the Whos way down in Whoville,

Well, you know they all liked Christmastime a lot.

But the Grinch, the Grinch who lived just North of Whoville,

Well, you know that nasty Mister Grinch did not.

In the Jungle, well, you know, down in the Jungle,

A young elephant named Horton hears a call,

And that dust speck, that dust speck'll be protected,

For a person's a person, no matter how small.

I do not like green eggs and ham,

I do not like them, Sam I Am.

I do not like them here or there,

I do not like them anywhere.

Butter Battle! (Butter Battle!) Butter Battle! (Butter Battle!)

Bom-badda-dum, badda-dum, badda-dum-badda-da-dadah.

Butter Battle! (Butter Battle!) Butter Battle! (Butter Battle!)

Bom-badda-dum, badda-dum, badda-dum-badda-da-dadah.

When I leave home, I leave home to walk to school,

And to think I saw it on Mulberry Street.

And the Once-ler, up there lurking in his Lerkim,

Watched the Lorax lift himself up by his seat.

The Collapsible Frink'll honk a Hinkle-horn,

Mister Brown can moo, he must think he's a cow.

Where's my moss-covered three-handled family gridunza?

You are lucky, did I ever tell you how?...

Marvin K. Mooney, will you please go now!

And I can lick thirty tigers today,

I had trouble getting to Solla Sollew,

And I can read with my eyes shut,

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue.

Butter Battle! (Butter Battle!) Butter Battle! (Butter Battle!)

Bom-badda-dum, badda-dum, badda-dum-badda-da-dadah.

Yertle Turtle! (Yertle Turtle!) Yertle Turtle! (Yertle Turtle!)

Bom-badda-dum, badda-dum, badda-dum-badda-da-dadah.

And I can wear five hundred hats,

And I can wear five hundred more,

And in one hat there'll be a cat --

Oh, thank dear God, my kid's begun to snore.

This was written for a Fox Kids Canada PSA about racial harmony back in the 1990s. (Near the end you'll hear a small lick which BNL borrowed from Michael Jackson's "Black Or White".) I knew, when I first heard it mumblety years ago, that if I ever did a kids' album I would cover this song. Now I am, and now I am.

The original song, by the way, just fades out to unintelligibility after "I like your hat...", so I finished off the refrain.

Words and Music by the Barenaked Ladies

There was darkness, there was light,

There was day and there was night.

There was wrong and there was right --

And then there was me!

You didn't even know me, but you treated me like dirt

(And then there was me)

You didn't even know me, but you called me a jerk.

(And then there was me)

I'm from a planet near a star

You wouldn't know, it's very far.

They're calling me the man from Mars,

And I think they're insulting me!

(Insulting me)

They tried to take my special suit

(Insulting me)

They said my head looks like fruit -- What is fruit?

(Insulting me)

"Put your hands up or I'll shoot!"

I don't have hands.

Across the galaxy, I flew,

Heard a peaceful message sent by you.

Now I find you're judged by color and size

I can't believe what you call my...

I'se the guy who sails the sky, but I think I'd like to live here.

I'd like to share your mountains, share your trees, and share your rivers.

I've never seen so many beings of so many colors.

I'd like one day for you to say that I could call you brother.

(And then there was we)

I'd like to learn about your pizza and your weather,

(And then there was we)

Then we could learn about how beings live together.

(And then there was we)

So if you're thinking about being a spaceman,

It don't matter if you're black or white!

Or purple or green or blue or red,

Or yellow with polka dots on your head,

Or made of snow, or made of wheat,

Or looking like something that's kind of a treat.

I like your hat, you like green tea,

There was all that...

And then there was me!