Brian LaShomb

@Runtime1point0

Location

Alabama, USA

Following13 Creators

'No Surprises' - Jim Boggia - Ukulele
July 31, 2015 15:45:24
'No Surprises' - Jim Boggia - Ukulele
YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uljjm8W3xcc&feature=youtu.be
If you like this video, please consider supporting me on Patreon. http://www.patreon.com/jimboggia
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'No Surprises' - Jim Boggia - Ukulele

Hi Patrons!


This month was a crazy one. I started working on a uke video for July that is going to be my biggest production yet, both audio and video. But it turned out to be so big, there was no way to get it finished this month.


Panic.


So, at the beginning of this week, I was completely at a loss as to what to do for this month's video. Then I heard Radiohead's 'No Surprises' on the radio. Hadn't heard it in years and when I heard it this time, the chimey guitar parts jumped out at me. I wondered if I could play those bits on ukulele using finger harmonics.


Now I had something to shoot for. Turns out, it's not very easy, but I practiced for a couple of days and thought I had it pretty much together.


I planned to make a simple uke and voice performance, and doing a straightforward one-take video, just like in the good ol' days way back when I started doing these less than a year ago. 


Then, about an hour before the session to record and film it, I came up with the idea you see here.


Like the video I shot on the fly for 'Glad and Sorry' a few months back, this was a bit of a fly by the seat of my pants experiment. I pretty much knew how to shoot the thing to get both of me in the shot together, but I definitely learned some things as well. The main thing being, even if you think you've secured the camera and it's not going to move, it's probably going to move. (It moved.)


This made my two shots not quite line up exactly and I wasn't able to "lay them" on top of one another, I could only do the split screen effect. You can spot a couple of the flaws with this and it prevented me from doing what I thought would be a really cool shot of singer me "melting" into ukulele-playing me during the instrumental section. I'M STILL LEARNING, GUYS!


Still, for a last week of the month scramble it was pretty ambitious and I think it's pretty cool.


I hope you do, too. Let me know in the comments.


Thanks as always for the support and next month is gonna knock you out!


-Jim

Jim Boggia

July 31, 2015 15:45:24

Nancy Yott Just became member and I really enjoyed it - no flaws seen here :) thanks Jim !!

August 9, 2015 23:46:59 · Reply

Jim Boggia Hi Nancy! Thanks so much and welcome aboard. So glad you liked it, still working out some kinks but it will only get better!

August 10, 2015 00:23:14 · Reply

Jim Boggia Oh and Nancy - I guess I've got it, but can you tell me which Periscope user is you?

August 10, 2015 00:47:33 · Reply

Nancy Yott Jim - i'm aprilinct on Periscope. I saw you in Boston with Fab Faux and just enjoyed you so much, I'm a huge fan now. Can't wait to see more videos :)

August 10, 2015 19:20:40 · Reply

Janice MacAvoy Just got back to US and hopefully back in the loop. User name - I think - 1vvvvggggy I was just playing around ... Apparently no one else has it...so there ya go. This is very cool. Look forward to seeing you in action!

September 4, 2015 21:51:26 · Reply

July 2015 Patreon supported
August 1, 2015 06:59:00
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Zach Weinersmith

August 1, 2015 06:59:00

July 2015 Patreon supported
August 1, 2015 06:59:00
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Joseph Scrimshaw

August 1, 2015 06:59:00

July 2015 Patreon supported
August 1, 2015 06:59:00
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Professor Shyguy

August 1, 2015 06:59:00

Pay Attention
August 20, 2015 19:04:06
Pay Attention - by Pomplamoose
YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCyodv0qCnY&feature=youtu.be
Pay Attention is a song off our album BESIDES. To help us make more music become a patron of the arts at http://www.patreon.com/pomplamoose! For tickets to our BEN FOLDS SHOW: http://www.axs.com/ev...
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Pay Attention

Hello Patrons! Here's an original song for you off the new album, Besides. ALSO we are opening for Ben Folds on September 16th in SF so if you wanna come see that you can get tickets here! http://www.axs.com/events/280499/ben-folds-ymusic-tickets


Thank you for making all this craziness possible.

Pomplamoose

August 20, 2015 19:04:06

Perry Carmichael Awesome, as usual. I've an idea for you based in this video. I really loved the crowd shots, moving among the people, etc. Great how they interact and everyone is so happy. So, make a float and ride it in a parade. Film the event, with a new song, of course. I think that would be so cool to watch you make music and move through the crowd. Mardi Gras? Rose Parade in Portland next June? (I'd be able to go to that one....) Thanks Jack & Nat!!

September 2, 2015 01:17:57 · Reply

Diego Glad to support you!!!

September 2, 2015 15:15:23 · Reply

Ahmed I am new here can anyone guide me what to do please. Thanks :)

September 26, 2015 22:25:47 · Reply

Bad Blood - Taylor Swift
August 20, 2015 23:05:57
Bad Blood - Taylor Swift (One-Gal Band cover)
YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqlwXx6FFok&feature=youtu.be
Uploaded by Ali Spagnola on 2015-08-20.
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Bad Blood - Taylor Swift

WAHOOOO! My second Patreon One-Gal Band video!! This time it's special because you guys got to weigh in on what you wanted me to cover. Thanks to all the top-tier teammates that wanted to see me get angry with this one :)

Ali Spagnola

August 20, 2015 23:05:57

Paul Poling This is awesome

August 24, 2015 23:41:51 · Reply

Jet Lightyear Awesome! You're amazing! You're hot, you're sexy AND you're talented....

August 30, 2015 11:06:52 · Reply

Jet Lightyear You should record one of my songs as a original single… **winks to infinity** Like "I'm So Pretty", for instance (because you are!)… http://soundcloud.com/jetlightyear/pretty-lexi

August 30, 2015 11:15:59 · Reply

One of my favorite prank calls EVER!
August 27, 2015 19:31:31
PRANKING WALMART!
YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opN2XPf5qTc
SUBSCRIBE! ►► http://bit.ly/SubMF PATREON PERKS! ►► http://patreon.com/mediocrefilms BUY MY COMEDY ALBUM! ►► http://bit.ly/Gregmp3s (40 tracks, 320k mp3s) Subscribe to Plymouth J. Cliffords! http:/...
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One of my favorite prank calls EVER!

Ever wonder what's happening on the other end when you hear "This call may be monitored for quality assurance?" Well, it's probably not this.


Thanks for supporting me, friends! And thank you for all the great feedback on my COMEDY ALBUM!! That just makes a person feel good, and I am that person.


G

Greg Benson

August 27, 2015 19:31:31

Video Creators LOL Oh man, so awesome!! lol Totally tweeting this!

August 27, 2015 20:56:57 · Reply

Greg Benson Thanks! Sharing it is the greatest thing anyone can do! :-D

August 27, 2015 21:27:24 · Reply

Amie Williams Greg, That is a great one. Your translation one is still my favorite. Thanks for my laugh today!! You are still as awesome as ever.

August 27, 2015 22:22:44 · Reply

Greg Benson Thanks Amie! You're awesome too. So glad we still know each other after all these years! And THANKS for your support!!!

August 27, 2015 22:23:53 · Reply

Alex Green Genius idea. I loved that!

September 2, 2015 13:08:17 · Reply

Greg Benson Thanks Alex!!

September 2, 2015 15:35:44 · Reply

'Getting Better'
August 30, 2015 14:28:20
Jim Boggia - Getting Better - Ukulele
YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvAAY6BUQeg
http://www.patreon.com/jimboggia
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For Patrons Only

To become a patron, view this post, and contribute in this activity feed, click here.

Jim Boggia

August 30, 2015 14:28:20

August 2015 Patreon supported
September 1, 2015 06:59:00
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Zach Weinersmith

September 1, 2015 06:59:00

August 2015 Patreon supported
September 1, 2015 06:59:00
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Joseph Scrimshaw

September 1, 2015 06:59:00

August 2015 Patreon supported
September 1, 2015 06:59:00
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Professor Shyguy

September 1, 2015 06:59:00

'Love Will Keep Us Together'
September 29, 2015 13:33:18
Jim Boggia - Ukulele - "Love Will Keep Us Together'
YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1MQV1pM22M
I brought 5 ukuleles and every t-shirt I owned into the studio and was filmed in front of a green screen as I recorded this. Everything you see in the video are the actual performances on the recor...
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'Love Will Keep Us Together'

Good morning!


At long last ... it's finally finished ... and here it is!!


In celebration of my one year anniversary here on Patreon, I'm ridiculously excited to have this video to share with you all, Captain and Tenille's 'Love Will Keep Us Together'.


I brought 5 ukuleles and every t-shirt I own into the studio and was filmed in front of a green screen (that's how we got all those pretty colors) as I recorded the song. The end result looks so slick that it almost looks like I lip-synced after the fact, but everything you see in the video is from the actual recording session. 


I would record a track, change into a different t-shirt, record another track, and so on. If I recall correctly, I wound up putting down 8 different uke tracks and and 14 vocal tracks. And yes, even the solo was recorded in costume. I'll just leave it at that until you see the video.


I've loved this record since I was a kid, the arrangement is insanely great and it was so much fun figuring out how to play all those parts on the uke. When mixing the recording, I wanted to try to have a similar sound to the record, so we did things with effects to try to make some of the ukes sound like tack pianos and even tried to cop the synthesizer sound in the solo (I think we got pretty close).


This thing was a HUGE undertaking, a little over two months in the making, and I leaned heavily on Kris Magyarits, Bob Schachner and all the amazing folks at Alkemy X in Philadelphia. I'm a tough taskmaster, but they really worked and worked on it with me until it delivered the goods.


So, Happy One Year Anniversary to all of my patrons here on Patreon. A year ago, even attempting a video like this would have been a pipe dream, just another idea I'd get and think "damn, it would be really cool if I could do that". All of your support has allowed me to make some of those ideas reality. Thank you. I'm so grateful. 


Let's start year two! In fact, I'll have a big announcement about that tomorrow.


- Jim

Jim Boggia

September 29, 2015 13:33:18

Joseph Mathews Now that's what hits are made of! The visuals also well matched to the era. This one's my favorite video of yours so far. It might even tempt me to get a UBass. Kudos.

September 29, 2015 23:49:39 · Reply

Jim Boggia Thanks, Joseph - UBass away!

September 30, 2015 04:24:09 · Reply

Joey What an amazing video! The guy in the striped shirt was particularly on point :)

September 30, 2015 12:11:41 · Reply

Jim Boggia Thanks, Joey! Yeah, striped shirt guy was my favorite, too!

September 30, 2015 14:58:00 · Reply

John Barber Jim you are own little Uke "wrecking Crew" maybe some Pet sounds

September 30, 2015 20:25:58 · Reply

New Domino's Pizza Prank + Monthly mp3!
September 3, 2015 16:44:18
PRANKING DOMINO'S PIZZA! (Three Halves phone call prank)
YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpOoV2wKJv4
SUBSCRIBE! ►► http://bit.ly/SubMF PATREON PERKS! ►► http://patreon.com/mediocrefilms BUY MY COMEDY ALBUM! ►► http://bit.ly/Gregmp3s (40 tracks, 320k mp3s) Subscribe to Plymouth J. Cliffords! http:/...
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For Patrons Only

To become a patron, view this post, and contribute in this activity feed, click here.

Greg Benson

September 3, 2015 16:44:18

NEW COMEDY VID!!
September 3, 2015 19:21:21
I Get Drugs & Money
YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6b6xRKqYHUs&feature=youtu.be
I had a pretty lucky night. Let me tell you about it. Like it?? Join my team to help me make more→ http://www.patreon.com/alispagnola
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NEW COMEDY VID!!

Ok, my last Patreon installment was a One-Gal Band so I'm giving you guys comedy this time around. Everyone responded so well to the first episode of Ali's Adventures that it looks like I'm gonna keep the series going :D As long as I can keep living an interesting life. I'll work on that for you all haha


HOPE YOU LIKE IT!!! <3

Ali Spagnola

September 3, 2015 19:21:21

Paul Poling Yes I remember when you did this. It was funny

September 3, 2015 22:16:41 · Reply

LorriePaige Weird story..well it's LA so maybe not so weird...I enjoyed hearing it. :)

September 3, 2015 22:24:26 · Reply

Terry Gorka just getting know you, if that's possible ... since you're now a wealthy woman may be I should be nice to you and suggest a rendezvous of some kind. Wait, no, I'm happily married - it's true. I don't think it would work somehow. But you're still cool ... a little kooky? Yeah, maybe a little. good entertainment. Enjoy your riches!!!!

September 3, 2015 23:59:29 · Reply

Possibly my favorite video I've ever made?
September 10, 2015 17:34:52
Surprise High School Reunions! (with deleted scene)
YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMVHFSUVgPI
Just showing up unannounced at the homes of people I hadn't seen in OVER 20 YEARS. Fun times! SUBSCRIBE! ►► http://bit.ly/SubMF PATREON! ►► http://www.patreon.com/mediocrefilms MORE POSITIVE PRANKS...
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Possibly my favorite video I've ever made?

Hiya Friendly Friends!


I'm often asked what my favorite video I've ever made is, and this is the one that usually pops into my mind.  A lot of people hadn't seen it, so I decided to give it a little re-edit and upload a new 1080P HD version with a deleted scene (visiting Ursula).  I've been wanting to redo this video for a while, and this week was the perfect opportunity since I wasn't able to get out and shoot a new video due to really nasty food poisoning and the Labor Day holiday.


If you're curious, here's the "behind the scenes" story on how we did it:


A few years ago I surprised some friends I hadn't seen in 20 YEARS by showing up at their homes while visiting Austin, TX.  They weren't hard to find (although I couldn't find a couple others I was really hoping to see) and I had to show up at their homes only once or twice to catch them on a weekend.  It was only me with my wife Kim operating a tiny camera.  They were all genuinely surprised, and after a little coaxing they allowed me to come in and shoot video.  


All the reactions you see in the video are real except I did plan a few gags ahead of time, and asked them go along with it.  For instance, James never wrote anything in my yearbook so I wrote the bit that "We'll always be BFF's" and caught his confused reaction.  And the bit at Diane's son's softball game was setup, she was actually happy to have me go along at that point.  And I asked Ursula to give me that reaction to the line about her 18-year-old daughter (at first I said that to her and she just laughed, but I thought this would be a funnier reaction).  So basically, I just wanted funny endings or bits for each situation.  


Originally I had cut out the scene with Ursula after showing the video to Kim. I always trust my wife's opinions, and she thought the daughter joke was too inappropriate.  But I always liked it so now it's back in for you guys!  


Hope you enjoy the video, and THANK YOU for supporting me on Patreon!  Next week's video is gonna be a FREEBIE (it's a really funny, big prank but it's sponsored -- so for you it's FREE!). So there will be fewer paid videos this month, FYI. :-)

Greg Benson

September 10, 2015 17:34:52

James Panto I can't believe I've not seen this until now. This looks like it was a lot of fun. It also reminds me of the "Real Life Facebook Friends" video. Thanks for taking the time to re-edit and upload this one. Very funny stuff.

September 10, 2015 19:18:48 · Reply

Greg Benson My pleasure, James! So glad this is new to you!

September 10, 2015 19:25:45 · Reply

David C. Wife always knows best. Comment was a little racy for your persona and you have to go to Patreon for the explanation. Maybe tack on a little explanation on the video highlighting your post. Post was pretty interesting...

September 11, 2015 05:27:25 · Reply

Greg Benson Good point, David. Thanks for the feedback!

September 12, 2015 21:31:57 · Reply

Malte Kretzschmar I belive to remember this was the Video I subscribed to you for ^^ I plan doing that when I get old :P

September 11, 2015 11:28:43 · Reply

Greg Benson Hahahaaa, yes I am old. :P

September 12, 2015 21:32:25 · Reply

Malte Kretzschmar ^^ didn't mean to say that... simply older... I guess...

September 13, 2015 00:35:42 · Reply

New collab video... COMEDY! PRANKS!
September 10, 2015 21:18:08
Gold Digger Lamborghini Prank - GIRL PRANKS
YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUbxpwtoUC4&feature=youtu.be
We flip the game on the usual Gold Digger prank. Watch us pick up guys and girls with our hot Lambo. ▶ Subscribe, to Ali!! http://goo.gl/aoxKQT ▶ Subscribe, to Stevie!! http://goo.gl/CoZQVb
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New collab video... COMEDY! PRANKS!

Since you guys were so supportive of my first collab, I did another. And we went ALL OUT. Like... seriously. Stevie and I put in some freakin' work for this one and the results are pretty spectacular. I have a good feeling you guys are going to like this.


Let us know what you think ;)

Ali Spagnola

September 10, 2015 21:18:08

Paul Poling People are so shallow and I would go with you Ali

September 13, 2015 00:13:30 · Reply

VotR Hey Ali, we sent you a DM on Twitter - really hoping to hear back from you. We'd like to discuss some type of sponsorship arrangement to help you out more. We really love your stuff and style!

September 18, 2015 13:42:43 · Reply

VotR Thanks for getting back to us Ali, we sent you an email late last week. Just confirming you got it! (those spam filters are weird sometimes). Cheers!

September 24, 2015 13:51:23 · Reply

Crazy new prank call!
September 17, 2015 16:14:37
EPIC MOVIEFONE VOICE PRANK CALL!
YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbxYWGV9UG8
See the REVEALS! ►► https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQI8T0qtseg SUBSCRIBE! ►► http://bit.ly/SubMF Support Me on PATREON! ►► http://www.patreon.com/mediocrefilms MORE POSITIVE PRANKS! ►► http://bit....
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Crazy new prank call!

Hey friendly friends,


I know last week I announced that I was going to release a big sponsored prank today, but it's been pushed til October 2.  It'll be worth the wait, you're gonna love it.  


So yesterday I got on the phone an called about 30 strangers before I got two people who didn't immediately hang up on me for this MOVIEFONE prank.  (NOT sponsored by Moviefone, I just love doing the voice.)  


I came up with this idea and wrote it out recently, and I've really been looking forward to doing it.  People reacted pretty much exactly as I thought they would!  (And YES, I did send them free movie tickets for being such good sports.)  Enjoy!  :-)

Greg Benson

September 17, 2015 16:14:37

Alex Green If it weren't for the movie tickets you gave, I'd have said that you're a very bad man. ;)

September 18, 2015 20:09:23 · Reply

Greg Benson Haha, yeah luckily they both accepted the tickets. Made me feel better too.

September 18, 2015 20:10:49 · Reply

Aaron G Super fun video, I loved it. Greg, I have been watching your Prank It FWD videos and I loved them! Why don't you create a kickstarter to raise a lot of money and then do several of these videos? You could raise money for a Season 1 of these videos.

September 20, 2015 17:38:09 · Reply

Greg Benson Hey Aaron, thanks for supporting me! I love doing Prank It FWD, but I don't own that series -- it was created by Break.com and they've been giving me a budget to shoot or host them twice a year. But I have done other positive pranks/random acts of kindness, and it's a great idea to raise money for those! That kind of video is very expensive, but extremely rewarding!

September 20, 2015 18:13:07 · Reply

Jim Briongloid This was one of my favorite vids so far, keep them coming Greg, looking forward to the customer service rep part

September 21, 2015 23:09:04 · Reply

Greg Benson Thank you Jim! :-D

September 21, 2015 23:38:53 · Reply

Flight of the Song A Day Navigator
September 23, 2015 13:56:20
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Flight of the Song A Day Navigator

Thanks so much for your feedback on last week's post. Josh Woodward put it this way: 


"Nobody has it all. The best you can do is to use your strengths to muscle your way around the weaknesses."


That's something that it's hard to remember. The other aspect of that equation is that you have to find people to collaborate with who have the strengths that you lack. Finding collaborators like that can be hard. There's a lot of obstacles. For one thing, everyone has their own stuff going on. I'm happy to spend a certain amount of time giving my expertise to friends and colleagues, but ultimately their thing is THEIR thing and my thing is MY thing. Casual collaboration only goes so far. I think all parties have to have skin in the game in order for collaboration to really take off.


I'm trying to get better at this, and find folks to work with who have the time and interest in throwing their lots in with me on a variety of projects. One of those projects is a Song A Day Navigator. The first step on my end was putting together the spreadsheet of every single song (which I had) with every single YouTube link (which I hadn't done before, duh). This gives us a very basic song a day data set that he can work with. Future data points in that spreadsheet would be: lyrics, links to buy, # of views, etc. But the next step for me is to figure out some interesting ways to NAVIGATE that data. I've come up with three so far. One of them is the image above: The Pick A Number system. I'm also attaching images for how I image a "Timehopper" version would look and one that's based on words.


My question to you: Are any of these three ways of looking at Song A Day particularly interesting to you? Can you think of other ways that would be more interesting to interact with this massive catalog of songs?


The person I'm working with is working on his own project that I don't TOTALLY understand, but it has to do with APIs. I think he's trying to make a thing that makes it super easy for anyone to make an API to go with a data set. The idea being, in the case of Song A Day, that he's going to create this API for interacting with all 2400+++ songs that other people can just take and run with. So if you had an idea of how you'd like to organize my catalog, and you just wanted to do it, you could. 


I'm really excited about it.

Jonathan Mann

September 23, 2015 13:56:20

What is it like to work for me?
September 24, 2015 17:35:58
SCARING MY EDITOR! (18 times!!) compilation
YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6FrNO9dEoY
Been scaring my editor Jay for the past year. Time to give him a raise? :-D PATREON! ►► http://www.patreon.com/mediocrefilms SUBSCRIBE! ►► http://bit.ly/SubMF BUY MY ALBUM! ►► http://mediocrefilms....
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What is it like to work for me?

Meet Jay, my editor & camera guy.  For over a year now, Jay has shot and edited most of my videos.  He's an awesome guy and does great work.  He also scares easily, so once every few weeks for the past year or so I've snuck up behind him to startle him, thinking this might make a fun video some day.  Luckily, he has a great sense of humor about it, and this video makes me laugh a lot.


Jay, if you're reading this, you're a good dude and you don't have to worry about me scaring you any more.  And I'll keep pushing this Patreon til we hit your "Jay's raise" goal!


Thanks for watching and supporting us, everybody!  And no, Jay didn't edit this one.  This was an easy one so I did it myself.  Besides, I didn't want Jay to relive all the horror. :-D


Yay!

G


p.s. If the next week goes as planned, there will be two videos on the MediocreFilms channel and you won't be charged for either one.  One is a "Best of the Daily Videos" compilation and the other is a really big prank I did for Intel!  Fun stuff, friends!!

Greg Benson

September 24, 2015 17:35:58

Jake Do you only hire attractive people?

September 24, 2015 17:40:18 · Reply

Jay Frosting Jake, you're a dreamboat!

September 24, 2015 18:10:37 · Reply

Greg Benson Haaaaaaaaaaaaa! Yes.

September 24, 2015 18:19:15 · Reply

Noah Llamas I think your editor is a giant squirrel in disguise.

October 2, 2015 15:36:19 · Reply

Lollipop + Lollipop!!
September 24, 2015 19:10:33
Lollipop 1950s vs. 2000s (Lil Wayne + The Chordettes cover) - Ali Spagnola
YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4LYc-YYaIU&feature=youtu.be&list=PLqq-iOHdAvBNBWElzdxkvYs5MERhiN5NA
I mashed up the do-wop Lollipop with Lil Wayne's 2000s jam. Because awesome. Like it?? Join my team so I can make more→ http://patreon.com/alispagnola
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Lollipop + Lollipop!!

Ok team, a lot of you said you'd be down to hear something other than current hits. So I went with a 2000s throwback + a freakin' oldie... MASHED UP. Because ridiculous.


I hope you like!!!

Ali Spagnola

September 24, 2015 19:10:33

Rob Elmer Fun! Background "lollipops" were a TAD loud, but I still enjoyed it :)

September 26, 2015 01:53:05 · Reply

Lee Hulme Excellent :)

September 29, 2015 12:49:09 · Reply

Terry Gorka You're beyond good ... you're ... you're ... hmm ... Well, you're very creative, clever, honest and fun. Trouble is you're also distracting. I'm trying to write the great American song here! And I ended up watching your "show" (videos) for too long. I'm a sucker for this. You're super duper! Keep it up ...

October 1, 2015 22:15:02 · Reply

The Worst Thing I Ever Did As A Kid
September 28, 2015 15:06:22
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The Worst Thing I Ever Did As A Kid

I was a good kid. I followed the rules and I got good grades. I took standardized tests seriously. So seriously that I’d get anxiety attacks beforehand.


But I remember a moment, some random day on my long, harsh road from little-kid-ness through puberty, I was maybe 11 years old. I was sitting in the back of the school bus having this revelation that, like, I didn’t have to follow the rules. Before that exact moment, it had seemed like all the things adults were telling me to do were somehow the only way. Their words were bedrock truth. And suddenly I realized that it was all bullshit. It was a weird, frightening and exciting moment.


I started to get into trouble. Nothing too horrible, but enough for me to be able to mark that moment as “before trouble” and “after trouble”.


Here’s the story of the “Worst Thing” I ever did as a kid. It’s actually not that bad, especially compared to stories I’ve been told by friends over the years of their worst things. But it’s pretty awful. For a pre-teen living in the backwoods of Vermont who’d never been in “serious” trouble before, this was top of the line, I think.


It was a slow weekend day, I was probably 12 years old. I have no idea where my parents were. Maybe they were working? Anyway, I had a group of 3 or 4 friends over. We were bored out of our minds. We decided to go for a walk. The town where I grew up is all dirt roads and forest. We used to just walk around for hours.


On this particular day, our first stop was a construction site - a house that was being built not far down the road from where I lived. The frame of the house was complete. It was all just concrete and two by fours. We trashed the place. We knocked stuff over. We broke some wood. We etched things into a metal tool chest. We spread nails out everywhere.


We left the construction site in search of something else to vandalize. At some point we got off the road and just started wandering through the woods. We came upon a sugar shack. This is where you turn maple sap into syrup. We broke all the windows. There were these little glass jars of syrup samples, grade A through D. We took turns throwing them at the side of the shack, syrup splattering everywhere. We broke some of the equipment.


Having gotten our pre-teen, testosterone boredom fueled jollies, we headed back to my house. Not long after, a police car rolled into my driveway. We freaked out. The cop rang the doorbell. We all hid, in closest and under beds. Still just little kids.


The cop came back that night when my parents were home. He said it was easy to figure out who was responsible because there were footprints leading all the way from where we had exited the woods straight back to my house. Dirt roads, after all. We were such idiots.


In my memory, I was being admonished by the cop and my parents for least two hours. I can’t imagine he actually stayed for more than 15 minutes. But my parents were predictably livid.


My friends and I had to collectively pay for the repairs and all the samples we destroyed. I don’t remember how much it was per person, but it was a lot for a 12 year old.All my weekly allowance went towards it for at least half a year. Finally, I saved enough money to pay, and I walked the few miles down to the house of the guy who owned the sugar shack. He wasn’t home, but his wife invited me in and gave me a brownie. She was so sweet. She said we were lucky we didn’t hang out much longer around the shack because her husband had heard us breaking stuff and had gone out to investigate with his hunting rifle. She sent me on my way with a little baggie full of baked goods.


This incident stands out so strongly in my mind partly because it felt so dramatic, but also partly because as I’ve gotten older and older, I find it harder and harder to understand why we acted the way we did. When you’re a teenager like that, you feel like no one understands you. And that’s actually true. I’m at the point now, near 2 decades later, where I’m just completely baffled.

Jonathan Mann

September 28, 2015 15:06:22

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